Ugh.
This is probably the second most common question I get, after "why?" Much like the question of why, some people ask with genuine interest. After all, it is a common concern for people who are thinking about beginning homeschooling for their own children. More often, however, people ask with a tone that sounds like, "Aren't you worried about making your children into weirdo social outcasts?" Or, "Aren't you worried about your children being different?"
I will admit, when we started, socialization was something I worried about. How could it not be? I mean, I went to public school, and that's where I met my friends (well, except for one of my best friends whom I met at church), where I learned to fit into a group (except for how I often felt like I didn't "fit in"), where I learned to work as a team (except how I usually chose to do group projects myself and put others names on it over actually working with them), where I loved socializing so much that I could have stayed in high school forever (except for how I hated sitting at lunch alone, and just wanted to spend time away from home learning, so I chose community college over senior year).
The more I thought about it, the more I started to wonder. Maybe school isn't that great for promoting the "socialization" of children after all? Maybe school time should be less about friends and more about learning, while time outside of school can be committed to building relationships? Maybe grouping kids together based on the year they were born and a general geographic area, and telling them to play nice and be friends, isn't a good representation of or preparation for the real world? And in regards to being different, maybe I'd consider it a good thing if my child was true to himself and ended up "different" than the rest?
It didn't take me long to realize that socialization was probably the least of my concerns as a homeschooler.
Many people don't know this, but as I quickly learned, homeschoolers don't sit alone in their rooms all day doing worksheets. There are tons and tons of activities and groups that homeschool families can join that range from purely social to more classroom oriented, to sports and special events. Early on in our homeschool journey we joined a large and involved homeschool community that offered a wide range of activities. Groups like these are available all over the country. I remember when we signed up, the leader jokingly told us, "You'll be so busy with socialization that you won't have time for school work!" I quickly found that she was right.
Here's some of the things homeschool families have to look forward to outside of "the classroom":
They haven't just gone as a two person "class", either, but with many of their best friends. The homeschool community we were a part of had an online message board where families could post when they were going on a field trip, and and others could join up and come along.
Just like kids in school, my homeschooled kids got to "ooh" and "ahh" over the sights with their friends, laughing, pointing things out, and building memories along the way. They got to share bagged lunches on park benches. They got to run and argue over who was the next one to look through the glass at the exhibit. All of that normal kid stuff.
The best part about being with a bunch of homeschooled kids, though, is that they are all accompanied by their parents, who know what units or lessons they are currently learning, and can make the trip relate-able to their studies. This is in comparison to typical school field trip chaperones who, in my observations, are mostly overwhelmed with herding children along, so much so that it is difficult to make the trip a learning experience. This is not to say homeschooled kids sit and read all the plaques at the zoo or anything, but they all seem to appreciate the experience more than most school groups I see hurried through to meet the bus.
Field trips don't have to be special planned things, either. When you have the world as your classroom, anything can be a learning experience. One of our best "field trips" was actually a family vacation to Texas, where we visited the Austin Children's Museum and the Fort Worth Stockyards, and talked about how planes work while we flew.
-Special Events - Home schooled kids can also get to do all those special little things commonly associated with school, that aren't necessarily classroom work. Halloween parades, Valentine's exchanges, science fairs, art night, field day, holiday plays, talent shows, dances, graduation ceremonies ... they are all available to homeschooling families. Some of the events we've attended were large events with many families, courtesy of the homeschool community in which we participated, and some were smaller events hosted by families we met.
-Co-ops, classes, and camps - Co-ops and classes are an opportunity for homeschooled children to experience a more typical classroom setting, and / or learn something more specialized than their parents can teach. Co-op stands for "cooperative", and is a way for families to join homeschooled students together to learn something together in a group. The co-ops we have participated in have typically met for some number of sessions (for example, once a week for eight weeks), and offer a variety of class topics that are taught by fellow parents. While students go from class to class, parents are either teaching, serving as teacher's assistants, or performing other duties such as lunchroom clean up, classroom set up, or hall monitor. The classes my kids have participated in include "Preschool Music and Motion", "Everything Eric Carle", "Kung-Fu", "Invention Convention", "Lego Club", "Art History", and more. I have had an opportunity to teach "Kitchen Kids" and "Vital Signs and Anatomy", as well as serve as teacher's assistant for a number of classes.
I've heard of other co-ops where tutors or teachers are hired and the parents split the cost, but we haven't been a part of one of those as of yet.
Homeschooled students are also able to take part in a number of other types of outside classes that are not necessarily run and organized by fellow parents. I know a number of families whose children have taken part in science classes taught by the Smithsonian. Now that we are near Williamsburg, Yorktown, and Jamestown, there are a lot of history classes available for students of various ages. Many counties have Parks and Rec and library programs available as well, parents just have to seek them out. At the high school level, a lot of homeschooled students attend community college classes, allowing them to both continue higher-level learning and start earning college credit early.
Of course the same camps available to public and private schooled students are also available to homeschooled students. While we haven't had the opportunity to do as many camps recently, The Big One has done a few sports and activities camps, Junior Chefs camp, Super Hero camp, and a few others through the county Parks and Rec program.
-Playdates and birthday parties - Of course a huge part of a young child's life is play. Just because we don't have a public or private school to serve as our meeting place for friends, doesn't mean we have any lack of playgroups or lack of playmates to invite to birthday parties. One of the best parts of being homeschooled is there is more flexiblity to make time for play. If there is supposed to be a nice day coming up, we can just ask some friends to get together. There's no need to postpone because it's a "school night".
Before we moved we got to participate in a monthly playdate club called "Cupcake Club", where we would get the kids together to do a cupcake decorating project. This way the parents got to split the cost of supplies (and only end up bringing home a reasonable number of cupcakes as opposed to a full 24!), and everyone got to spend some time socializing.
Where we live now, the first group we've joined is a park playgroup that meets weekly at area parks for the kids to run around and play while the parents talk. I found it easily after doing a web search for homeschool groups in our area, and after just two weeks we're all making friends and connections to the larger homeschool community here.
-Community Service - Having flexibility in the middle of the weekday also means that homeschooled students have opportunities to participate in community services that others may not. Parents can take their children to join a project that's already been planned, or plan their own. As a part of a homeschool community, I have helped serve as a community service organizer. One of the projects we did was to visit a senior center during an early Alzheimer's and Dementia group. We read a book, decorated cookies, and talked to them about their holiday memories. The next week, we gave each participant a decorated story page with the holiday memories they shared. My kids loved the group so much, they started visiting regularly. How's that for socialization?
-Sports - Sports activities are just as available to homeschooled students as those in school, they just may be slightly more difficult to find or require additional costs. I believe there are some school districts where homeschooled students can still join their local public school's after-school sports teams. Additionally, some areas may have a large enough homeschool population that separate homeschool leagues form. The Big One is not the most athletic kid, and prefers individual sports to team ones. Both of my kids have played soccer through a Parks and Rec program. The Big One started karate before we moved, and both did gymnastics classes at a local gym. There are even some gyms and tumbling centers where special homeschool programs are offered in the middle of the day, often at a reduced cost.
-Clubs, Scouts, 4-H, and more! - If there's an activity for a kids, there is a way for homeschoolers to join it.
Just about the only thing my kids have "missed out" on so far is the big yellow school bus. And if that is an experience they really think they want to have, despite my assuring them it is not, I'm sure I can rent one for them as a graduation treat.
Even knowing all the opportunities available to homeschoolers, many people still have their doubts. Everyone seems to know some person who was homeschooled and turned out "weird". Many are convinced this is the standard and that they could pick out that weirdo homeschooler from a crowd. They dress different, they act differently, they have no understanding of social rules....
The truth is, that description can be accurate.
By participating in homeschool communities I got to meet and interact with a wide range of homeschooled students of different ages and backgrounds. On the whole (I'm going to speak in generalizations here), they have been some of the most well-mannered, communicative, and sociable children I've met. They will speak with adults as easily as with their peers. On the playground, the older ones generally let the younger ones play and everyone tries to get along as a group. They are self-assured and confident - even enough to wear what they enjoy and makes them comfortable. They don't know how to line up and walk in a neat, orderly row. They are totally weird children.
The Big One is so different that he will be the only kid in the library to ask the librarian himself if he needs help finding a book. He enjoys visiting the senior center. He will carry a lengthy conversation with any adult that will talk to him, and plays board games just as easily with my 30-year-old friends as with his 7-year-old friends.
He is clearly not properly socialized.
I love it.
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