"How do you homeschool?" - Part 3: A method to the madness.

Once you take school out of the typical classroom, it can seem like there is suddenly no structure. I think this is where most new homeschoolers initially get stuck, and what scares some parents who want to try homeschooling off. If you have no example of or familiarity with homeschooling, there is suddenly this great unknown. Where do you even start? Is Monday math day? Do I need to make sure we do five hours of language arts each week?
In addition to the confusion, there is an overwhelming feeling of responsibility that if you don't do everything right, your child will be ruined forever. What if you miss something, and one day send this poor young adult into the world who doesn't know the genres of literature or the latest in string theory!?

New parents just starting out will find there are a ton of different "methods" of homeschooling. I won't try to list them or go into a description of them. Just do a Google search and you'll come up with a list including Charlotte Mason, Classical, unschooling, unit studies, Montessori, Waldorf, correspondence school, and more. The main reason I'm not going to get into them because I don't know much about them. In the beginning, I started out reading about all these different methods and quickly became confused. I liked different parts of what I was reading, but nothing seemed exactly right for us. At that time The Big One was young enough that I decided I had time to figure it out and put reading about "the methods" aside to look into later. Once later came, however, I still wasn't interested, so we just started to do our own thing and never looked much into the lists of methods again.

When we began preschool with The Big One, which came not at any particular time or age but just as a natural progression of the teaching we were doing already, we did "school time" for just 30 minutes a day. We would do pages out of preschool workbooks, talk about things we saw outside, do arts and crafts, or spend time on www.starfall.com. We pretty much learned about whatever we felt like, for approximately  30 organized minutes. That was time aside from the normal things most parents do with their preschoolers like read, sing ABCS, and play. For example, if we saw ants outside we might try to catch them to look at, write "A-N-T" on the driveway in chalk, and cut paper circles to make ants with a head, abdomen, and thorax. That was preschool.
We did send him to a 6 week My First School camp, being a little nervous about him not having the "proper" preschool start. The teacher basically told us he was well ahead of where he should be and to not worry and keep doing what we were doing. Our pediatrician said the same and advised that if we weren't going to homeschool him, she would recommend a private Montessori program.

The next year, for kindergarten, we increased our time to an hour. We started a notebook where we would do simple math work, practice writing, and draw. We worked a lot more on reading and writing. I also included whatever "basics" I could think of, such as calendars, cardinal directions and map keys, what is a sentence, question words, basic level charts and graphs, and other things like that. I didn't necessarily think reading and writing were necessary skills yet, but I knew that having a start in them would make it easier for the coming years, and plus The Big One had an interest in them. I do think it's best to build off interests, if you can do so constructively.

Once we started first grade, we divided our time into subjects and started to spend roughly 3-4 hours per day on "school time". This remains the same now. How much time we spend depends on how attentive we all are being (yes, sometimes I am as much of the problem as the kids) and how interested we are in the subject. If we like a history subject, and there are a lot of books and videos available, we may spend longer on it. If it's boring, we'll learn what we need to know and move on. Sometimes there are extra crafts or activities we want to do, sometimes there aren't. This ends up meaning that some days we'll be finished in 2 and a half hours, and some days it seems we're working on school alllll daaaayyyy.
Also, we don't necessarily do 3-4 consecutive hours of work. We can start something in the morning and come back to it after going to the store. We can break for lunch, playtime, or socializing time when we need to.

As a parent, not all of the "school time" has to be spent completely devoted 100% to just The Big One and his work, either. For example, when he's doing math we will start the lesson together and then I will slowly back away while he finishes the practice problems on his own. I can start prepping dinner, work on something with The Little One, or check my email while he works. I mention all this just to give an idea of the time required to homeschool. People always ask me, "How do you have time for that?!" It doesn't require a lot.

Particular methods of homeschooling aside, how scheduled or un-scheduled you decide to be will largely depend on your personal style and that of your kids. I like to schedule and plan. The Big One even more so. It helps us to have a general guideline for what we should be doing.

This probably won't make sense to anyone else, but here's what our schedule looked like last year for 1st grade:

Day 1	Day 2	Day 3	Day 4	Day 5
Intro day – reading / videos	Reading – history topic	Science - info day	Reading – history notebook page	Science - experiment day	60 min
Discussion and map page	Writing & word review	Writing & word review	Writing & word review	Spelling & vocab test, writing	10-15 min
ID vocab & spelling words	First Language Lessons	First Language Lessons	First Language Lessons	Week wrap up	15-20 min
Math	Math	Math	Math	Math	30 min
PE	Art	PE	Music	PE	20-30 min
Free read	Free read	Free read	Free read	Free read	30 min

I didn't do this completely on my own. I got a rough idea of how I wanted to structure my day from the book A Well Trained Mind, by Susan Wise Bauer and Jessie Wise. The book is "a guide to classical education at home". I wouldn't say I follow the classical education method, because I don't exactly, but I get ideas from it and use the aspects that are logical to me as a guideline. 

As from the book's website:

Classical education depends on a three-part process of training the mind. The early years of school are spent in absorbing facts, systematically laying the foundations for advanced study. In the middle grades, students learn to think through arguments. In the high school years, they learn to express themselves. This classical pattern is called the trivium.

The backbone of what we do is history. In A Well Trained Mind, they've divided history into 4 chronological sections - ancients, middle ages, Renaissance, and modern. You go through the four sections on a grammar stage level, then start at the beginning and do it again at a logic stage level, and finally repeat it in a rhetoric stage level. We attempt to link topics in science, art, music, and even language arts, to what we are learning in history.

So for 1st grade history we covered the ancients. At the end of Kindergarten we had done the solar system, which flowed well into the birth of the Earth, geologic time, prehistory, dinosaurs, prehistoric man, etc. That left us pretty well set up to slide right into ancient history. I'm going to devote a whole post to each of our major subject areas, including the books and websites we use / have used, coming soon. With that, this will all (including my crazy charts) start to make a little more sense, I promise!

Basically, our schedule is history three days of the week and science two days of the week. We do some language arts, reading, and math every day. I haven't been organized about art and music, but have tried mainly looking at them from the stand point of the historical time we're studying. PE is running around outside, or gymnastics, karate, or sports camps. Health isn't even worth mentioning for 1st grade - teaching your child to brush their teeth, go to the doctor, eat healthy, and the like are daily activities in health.

When we started 1st grade, I made our weekly schedule and compiled a list of the main books we would be using. I somewhat reviewed the county curriculum for 1st grade, which was available online, and found that we were on track or ahead on most things. Because The Big One has a late birthday, the state required I register him as a Kindergartener, which set us even more "ahead" (I say this in quotations because I don't really think there is an ahead or behind. In the end the vast majority of people will end up as capable, functional adults no matter what, and even if not independently functional, we all have the same inherent capability for happiness.)

I organized five different colored binders - one for history, one for science, one for language arts, one for math, and one for PE/health/art/music. They have tabs of the different kind of work we do in each subject. We keep all our work filed in those binders, and date all of our pages. This made it really easy when lived in a state that required county reviews of work, and now it's just a habit.

Our schedule is not perfect. I'm sure some things will get missed. It is evolving. This year I started with changes so it looked more like this (colored coded and everything!):
 

Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday
SOTW chapter + review questions and short narration (AB)	Internet videos, library books, KAMW review	Science - info day (BP & USE)	AB activity	Science - project day	60 minutes
Map Page (AB mapwork)	UEWH pages + timeline page	narration page or animal profile page	websites (UEWH)	observation page or animal profile page drawing	15-20 minutes
Character page	Comprehension quiz	Narration and copywork	Plot Page	Book report	30-60 minutes
	FLL	FLL	FLL		15 minutes
Free Read	Free Read	Free Read	Free Read	Free Read	30 minutes
Math	Math	Math	Math	Math	30 minutes
PE	Art	Music	PE	Health (BPJ section)	30-60 minutes

(Again, I will be posting by subjects and explaining what all this means in the upcoming weeks.)

Next year I will make more changes. But the "method" is not especially stressful to me anymore. I've been around enough homeschoolers who are taught in so many different ways, and they are all still wonderful, bright kids, just like their regular-schooled counterparts. It doesn't seem to matter what the parents do, as long as they are doing something. Part of why many families choose homeschooling is wanting to encourage love of learning and inquisitiveness, which can oftentimes be squelched (inadvertently I'm sure) by school. In this open setting, it is important to be trusting. Trusting in your child that they will learn what they need to learn when they need to learn it, and trusting in yourself that you will know what to teach when you need to teach it. This means changing and adapting when methods don't work. With that being said, while this (above) is the current method to my madness, it's not the only way and probably won't even be my only way.

I'm also sure my children will be "ruined" no matter what I do or don't do, so all I can ask of myself is to give it my best shot.

My favorite breakfast #1

This is one of my favorite go-to breakfasts. Doesn't it look yummy? It's a combination of Kashi Go-Lean Crunch, Fiber One Original, unsweetened vanilla almond milk, and blackberries.

Fiber One may look like old people cereal when it's sitting there on the shelf, and I'll admit it's not the most exciting by itself, but when paired with the Kashi the light crunch of the Fiber One "twigs" compliments the tough crunch of the granola clusters very well. The Kashi is very crunchy, enough so that I've read some complaints about it, but I find it's just right when eaten with milk. It's packed with protein, and it's sweet enough that the the unsweetened almond milk is just fine. Berries add a nice natural sweetness, too.

Of course, being boxed cereal, it's quick and easy to grab in the morning, as a snack, or even lunch. The fiber and protein are pretty filling!

Best of all, it's a healthy choice. For 1/2 cup Kashi Go-Lean Crunch, 1/2 cup Fiber One originial, 1/2 cup Almond Breeze Unsweetened Vanilla Almond Milk, and 1/4 c fresh blackberries, here is the nutrition breakdown:

My Most Recent Painting

Here is the painting I finished this week:

I already had a pair of matted, framed pictures from when I staged our house for sale last summer. The pictures were close-up photographs of dandelions in a kind of a grey scale. I liked them okay, but Matt did not, so I decided to paint over the dandelion papers. I haven't decided what to do on the second one yet.

I'm not 100% thrilled with the outcome, mostly of the shape of the kid's face and left hand, but it was my first time painting a person so all things considered it could be worse. I like the shading of the kid's outfit.
I used this photograph, which I found on Pinterest, as my guide:

It would have been nice to have been into painting when I was in school so I could have taken art class or lessons or something. I guess it's not too late, but, since I'm just doing it for fun and relaxation it's also not really necessary.

My favorite chocolate chip cookies

I love cookies. Of all the sweet baked goods, they are easily my favorite. No offense to cake, brownies, and pastries. They're all nice, too. But there's just something about cookies.

Of course, the queen of all cookies is chocolate chip. Who can say no to a chocolate chip cookie? I can't even imagine offering one to someone and having them say no. Reason of allergy excluded, it's just not within the realm of possibility.

This is my favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe. I've been making the same one for years. I don't remember where I got it from originally. While I've pinned a million "best chocolate chip cookie" recipes on Pinterest, and looked at pictures of what the ideal cookie is "supposed" to look like (not like mine), I haven't tried another recipe or technique. I just like these. And I like them just the way they are.

These cookies are soft and not overly chewy. They don't crumble and they practically melt in your mouth, especially if you're getting one just off the cooling rack. If you manage to not eat them all immediately, they can be frozen and later thawed out to be almost just as good a fresh. They are easy to take to a party or give as a gift. And if all that's not enough, they also are simple to make and bake up quickly. The Little One has mixed them up before with just minor assistance, and I've made them with a class of 5 nutty six year old boys. So even if you are not baking inclined, don't be afraid to try these. I'm even including notes, in parentheses, in case you've never baked a cookie before in your life.

Ingredients:
1 c butter, softened (Leave the two sticks of butter out on the counter for about an hour, or until reaching room temperature. You should be able to dent the butter with your fingers, but it shouldn't be melted.)
1 c white sugar
1 c light brown sugar
2 eggs
2 t vanilla extract
1 t baking soda
2 t hot water
1/2 t salt
3 c flour
2 c chocolate chips

Instructions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

2. In a large bowl, cream butter and sugars.
("Creaming" means mixing butter and sugar up very thoroughly until they are fully combined and light and fluffy. Use both sticks of butter and both the brown and white sugars. This is best done with an electric mixer, but can also be done by hand with lots of beating with a fork. Watch as the mixture changes, and once it gets to light yellow and fluffy stop mixing. Over mixing can make butter and sugar separate, but this takes awhile so I wouldn't stress over the possibility of over-mixing very much.)

3.  Beat in eggs, one at a time.
(Crack an egg, pop in in the bowl, then stir it up until combined. Repeat.)

4. In a tiny bowl or measuring cup, mix hot water with baking soda and salt. Add the mix to the large bowl, along with vanilla extract, and stir to combine.
(This is a tiny amount so I usually use a 1/4 cup measure to combine the water, baking soda, and salt. Just make sure to measure carefully and mix thoroughly.)

5. Mix in flour, one cup at a time, to make a dough. Stir in chocolate chips.
(This is pretty self explanitory. Dump a cup of flour into the bowl, mix it up, and then repeat x2. Same thing with the chocolate chips.

6. Drop rounded tablespoons of batter onto a greased cookie sheet.
(There is such a thing as a cookie dough scoop, which will help make nice, evenly sized cookies, but it's not needed if you don't have one. Just use a tablespoon or even a kitchen spoon to scoop out a ball of dough, and plop it on the pan. Leave the dough as balls. It will flatten and spread into a cookie shape as it bakes, so there's no need to smoosh the balls into circles. Also, because of the baking and spreading, make sure to leave space around each cookie so they don't end up baking together into conjoined twins. I usually space my cookies in rows of three and two, like the super-sophisticated drawing below.)

7. Bake in preheated oven for 10-11 minutes. Remove cookie sheet from oven and let cookies cool on pan for 5 minutes, then move to cooling rack to finish cooling.
(This step is key. Only bake them for 10-11 minutes. They will not look done, and you're going to be tempted to put them back in the oven. Don't. Trust me. The cookies will continue to bake from the heat of the pan for those 5 minutes they are sitting there, and when they are finished cooling you will have something that is soft-baked and delicious.)

8. Enjoy.

Makes approximately 4-5 dozen cookies.
(The exact yield is going to depend a lot on the size of your dough balls and how much dough you eat while baking. Obviously, smaller cookies = more cookies. Now, the dough does have raw egg so you probably shouldn't eat it and all, but, I've eaten a lot of raw dough and haven't died even once.)

Nutrition Information:
(For a yield of 4 dozen, from CalorieCount.About.com)

I'm labeling these as an "under 200 calorie" recipe because each cookie is under 200 calories, but clearly they are not a health food and have no redeeming qualities beyond taste. And happiness.

A Writing on Writing

I haven't written in a couple of days, or I guess it's been over a week now. At first I wanted this blog to be a daily thing, even if it's not exactly the most purposeful blog overall. Then, I thought maybe I'd update a few times a week. Things kept getting in the way and the "few times a week" became nothing last week. This is not for lack of things to say, but because of competition with all the other things there are to do.

I like to exercise. Well, maybe I don't like it, but I like the health and fitness aspect, and I'm finding that with my migraines it is a necessity to keep me feeling well. I like to bake. I like to paint. I like spend time with Matt. I'd like to get more into meditation, but find it hard to find the time for a regular sitting practice. I'd also like to read more, but get pulled away by all the other things I should or could do. Of course there are also all those not so fun things that have to be done like cleaning and laundry and the like.

I've read about how we all need to make time to exercise. Don't make it an option, they say, just do it. I've read about how we need to make time for our hobbies, as to help us all de-stress. Again, it's not an option, they say. Stress is linked to all kinds of terrible things. Don't de-stress and you'll pop. Same thing for meditation. I read about the many benefits and how important a regular practice should be for us all.And of course they say to spend time everyday with your spouse. Still, despite what "they" say, I'm finding it hard to make time for all the things that require time.

Sometimes I begin to think that it may be easier for all these wonderful things if I would send the kids to school. If they were gone for a chunk of the day, I could do the cooking and cleaning and probably have some time left for exercise and a hobby or two. Right?

In actuality, I probably would end up wasting whatever free time I found here and there, if there even was any. And even more than that, if I really think about it, I get to do many of the things I say I want to because I'm homeschooling the kids, just not in the exact way I want to. I get to read about history and science. I get to practice being mindful and present throughout the day through various tasks. Driving meditation may not be the same as seated practice, but sometimes I think the real life practice may be just as, if not more, valuable. In baking, I can do lengthy things like bake bread and not have to worry about missing a step in going out to pick up or drop off a child somewhere. Because they are home-schooled, I can do things not just with Matt, but with my family. His "weekend" is Wednesday / Thursday, so if the kids were in regular school we would all miss out on that. The kids encourage me in my exercise and sometimes join along. They also enjoy painting with me, and are my best critics.

Then there is that writing thing. That's the one thing I haven't really been able to work out, even in a modified way, with the kids around. At least, not without much frustration on both our parts. I'll spend hours editing, thinking, pecking away, picking out pictures and telling the kids "Just ten more minutes. Just be good for ten more minutes while I finish this!" In these instances, no one ends up particularly happy in the end.

With all of this in mind, I found today's post from zenhabits to be quite timely. "Why You Should Write Daily". For me, the take-home message is two part: 1) just do it, and 2) start small and simple. Sometimes I get wrapped up in the need to write something long, with some amount of purpose, and even better with pictures to go along. But it doesn't have to be that way. I can modify my ideal here, too. I can write just enough to satisfy that writing desire. I can write a bit here and there, save it, and do a bit more later. My blog doesn't need to be fancy or purposeful or colorful. It doesn't need to have even one reader. I do need to write, however, for all the reasons listed on zenhabits, plus because I just like to.

Teaching Earth Science with Food - Layers of Earth and Plate Tectonics

A month or two ago when we started our Earth science unit, we started with reviewing the layers of the Earth and plate tectonics. For science, we generally devote a day of the week to reading, videos, and discussion, and a separate day for demonstrations or experiments. I especially love when I can find or come up with edible demonstrations, since we then get a treat out of it as well. I was delighted when I found two sugary-sweet treat demonstrations that could be combined to discuss our subject.

A big thanks to the American Museum of Natural History and the Red Cross Blog for the inspiration! Make sure to check out their links for more detailed explanations of the science (and not just the yummy food) part of this. All I did was combine the ideas and minorly adjust a couple things that didn't work out as well for us.

And now - Ooey, Gooey, Edible Earth! - A lesson in Earth structure and plate tectonics.

(Please excuse the especially low quality photos. I took these hastily with a cell phone camera, not realizing I would later want to share the demonstration.)

Ingredients:

1 gumdrop
1 large marshmallow (left intact)
2 c rice krispy cereal
1 T butter
13 large marshmallows (for melting)
1 tsp shortening or butter for greasing
1 can chocolate frosting
at least 4 cream-filled sandwich cookies

Instructions:

1. Inner and Outer Core - Use your fingers to poke a little hole into a large marshmallow. Push the gumdrop into the marshmallow and squish the marshmallow around so the gumdrop is surrounded by marshmallow. Set aside.

2. Lower Mantle - Lightly grease or use cooking spray on the inside of a large glass bowl. Place a piece of waxed paper on your workspace. Add the butter and the remaining 13 marshmallows to the bowl. Microwave for 30 seconds, then stir and microwave for an additional 30 seconds. Quickly add the rice krispies to the melted mix and stir completely. Keep stirring while the mixture cools slightly. Meanwhile, have student coat hands with shortening or additional butter. While still warm, but cool enough to handle, roll the rice krispy mixture around the prepared core marshmallow.

The wax paper is to protect your work surface from inevitable marshmallow goo droppings.

3. Asthenosphere - Once your rice krispy mantle is packed around the core, dip into the frosting and start spreading. Cover the entire earth in a layer of frosting.

This lasted about 30 seconds before they asked me to take over spreading.

4. Lithosphere - Separate your sandwich cookies and place the cream side down in the frosting. They are not going to lay quite flat, of course. It's okay if they break a bit.

You could coat the whole thing in cookie, but we decided this was sugary enough.

5. Plate Boundaries - First, show how the cookies are like the tectonic plates. They slide over the asthenosphere. Remind the student that the plates move around in different ways, producing different changes on the surface of Earth.

-Divergent plate boundary - Move two plates apart. If you do the demonstration with a little pressure, your student can see the asthenosphere moosh up (that is the scientific term, I'm sure) from the opening between the plates.

-Convergent plate boundary - Push two plates together, with one going under the other. Check out the subduction zone.

-Transform plate boundary - Slide two plates past each other. This works best if you have two broken cookies with jagged edges that kind of grab each other, so you can really feel and hear the "earthquake" when those edges break loose and slide.

Can you find all the plate boundaries here?

6. Examine the layers - Now that your Earth is assembled, cut it open. You can talk about the properties of the different layers - the solid inner core; the hot, liquid outer core; the hard but slightly flowing lower mantle; the viscous, slowly flowing asthenosphere; and the rigid lithosphere.

Lastly, you can eat it!

Can you see the eyes lighting up with sugar?

Just don't eat it all in one go. The exact nutrition facts will of course depend on what kind of cookies and frosting you're using, and how much of each, but I'm coming up with a minimum calorie count around 1300 for the whole Earth model, and over 100 grams of sugar. More than just a tiny piece will make you feel quite ill (ask me how I know..).

"How do you homeschool?" - Part 2: Setting up shop.

You researched your state laws. You filed the paperwork. Now what? You need a classroom, right? With a blackboard up front, an American flag in the corner, a student desk, and some sort of hard, plastic chair?

Well, I'm sure there are some families who choose to set up this way. If it makes you comfortable to create a space that looks like a classroom you remember being in - go for it. But it is hardly necessary.

This idea may initially be distressing to some people, but you can homeschool anywhere, in any setting. Many of us who grew up in a school system probably have this idea in our heads, whether we recognize it or not, that learning happens in a specific place, at a specific time, for a specific number of hours each day, and one must be formally educated in educating in order to educate. I didn't even realize I had that idea in my subconscious until we got started homeschooling The Big One, but it was there, and it took me a little while to get over. I remembered the little details of the big teacher's desk up front by the chalkboard, the big felt erasers that had to be clapped out, and the pencil sharpener that spun.

That's school, right?

It doesn't have to be.

Learning happens all the time, anywhere, and educating can be done by anyone. You don't have to have a "classroom".
Even if you're lucky enough to have space in your home to devote specifically to a classroom space, it doesn't have to look like a typical school. You can design this space to best fit the individual needs of your kids and your homeschooling style. Welcome to the freedom of homeschooling. It's okay if it's a little terrifying at first.

Here are some space ideas I've pinned on Pinterest, where I have a homeschool board that you're welcome to follow. These are not my pictures, so click for the link to see the original source.

A table cut in half and attached to a bookcase for a two-student space.

A dreamy arts and crafts storage space.

An amazing closet turned office space. Only, a child's would probably look a lot messier.

An Ikea bookshelf on a lazy susan. This would be a neat small space way to store school supplies and books and then turn the bookcase around when you didn't want to look at "school" anymore.

Here's an old-school (is that a pun?) storage space turned DIY pretty.

A clever, space saving, fold-away storage space and desk.

These are all wonderful inspiration. In reality, however, some of us may not have the space, time, energy, motivation, or DIY skills for such projects. Here in our apartment, I am hindered by both not being able to drill into the walls and by the possibility moving again in just a year or two.

Luckily, all that's really required as far as homeschooling setting is a place to be, and sometimes a hard place on which to write.

We usually use the kitchen table. Each of my kids has a bookshelf in their room with their school books and binders on it, and as we change subjects through the day they go to put back or take out their books. If we're not writing, we'll sit on the couch or on the floor or wherever is most comfortable and least distracting at that particular time. If it's nice out, we can even take our work outside. Keeping papers in hard-backed binders makes it easy to transport and have a flat, hard spot to write. We don't do work outside a lot, though, because the possibility of wind blowing papers away distresses The Big One.

It's not fancy, but it works.

Supplies to have on hand depend on your style and how your child best learns. The basics include pencils and paper. Then, just think about what you'd put in a typical school-box for your child. Scissors, a ruler, glue, a pen, some sort of coloring utensil (crayons, markers, etc). Most things you will probably have on hand already. All I bought for school this year was a new pack of lined paper and pack of printer paper. We already had all the pencils and craft supplies we could possibly use.

Those are the essentials. For us, a computer with internet access is also important. I don't how how people homeschooled before the internet. Some families may use the TV for educational videos, some don't have one in their home at all. Some may want lots of craft supplies such as paint, yarn, construction paper, clay, and paper plates, others won't have a use for much of this. Books of course are major, but whether you purchase workbooks, reading books, or curriculum based books will depend on your homeschool style and also the quality of your local libraries. Which reminds me, a library card would also be one of our essentials.

Making Celtic torks in our pajamas on the dining room floor - Bookwork on the kitchen table - Cuneiform clay writing at the office desk

The last part of setting up shop is figuring out your schedule, if you'll even keep a schedule. My next post will be about homeschooling methods, which will largely influence how much or how little you plan or schedule your school time. I can say now, however, that pretty much no matter what, teaching your kids will not take as much planned time as you may think. In the beginning, I had no idea how I'd do it. When kids go to public school, they leave early in the morning and are gone until afternoon. I wondered, "How is there time for all that at home?!"

There's not. If you devoted a full seven hours to sitting with your child in your classroom space, you both would go crazy. But the good news is, it doesn't take that long. Think way back to when you were the age of your child. In school, how much of the time you spent in the school building was productive time? How much of it was spent trying to get everyone to stand in a neat line, telling Johnny to sit down for the millionth time, shushing everyone, preparing film strips, and waiting for the teacher to come over and help? The truth is that with one-on-one attention, or nearly one-on-one if you have more than one child, the actual time for organized "school time" is pretty little.

Again, part of setting up will depend on how you decide to homeschool. Like anything else, all the pieces of homeschooling intersect and depend on each other. I'll have more on the specifics of planning your time and space in my next post - A Method to the Madness.

Philly Cheese Fakes on Homemade Hoagies

Oh man. Oh man.

I made these hoagie rolls last night, and they were the bomb. Yes, I just broke out the 90's because they were so good. Cliff Huxtable would have been happy.

Hello. I am tender and delicious.

I've been trying to bake all the bread and roll type things that go with our meals lately, with varying results. Everything's been edible, and most things have been decent, but these hoagie rolls were really good. I used to them to hold one of my favorite vegetarian sandwiches, Philly Cheese Fakes. I didn't think to take pictures of the roll making process, but I definitely want to share the recipe, which I slightly modified from a Food.com recipe.

The number of servings you get out of your filling is really going to depend on how you pack your hoagies. The original recipe lists it as 4 servings, whereas I think I could get 8 out of it. Also, you could make fewer, larger rolls, but I was happy with the size that dividing into 8 provided. I was plenty full with just one sandwich the way I made it, but Matt had two.

Philly Cheese Fakes

Recipe for filling from Taste of Home Magazine, as submitted by Veronica Vadakan

Recipe for hoagie rolls from Food.com

Ingredients for filling:

1/4 C lemon juice

3 cloves garlic, minced

1 T olive oil

1/2 tsp smoked paprika

1/4 tsp salt

1/4 tsp pepper

1 # sliced mushrooms

2 medium green peppers, sliced

1 small onion, thinly sliced

Ingredients for hoagie rolls:

1 package yeast

1 1/2 c warm water

2 T honey

1/8 c vegetable oil

1/2 T salt

2 c all purpose flour

1 1/2 - 2 1/2 c whole wheat flour

Instructions:

1. In a large bowl, combine 1/4 c warm water, yeast, and honey. Let stand 5 minutes.

2. Add remaining 1 1/4 c water. Beat in oil, salt, 1 c whole wheat flour, and 1 c all purpose flour. Slowly add additional 1 cup all purpose flour. Add remaining whole wheat flour (approximately 1/2-1 cup) slowly until a soft dough forms. (I used my kitchen-aid mixer with the dough hook.)

3. Lightly flour a clean surface using whole wheat flour, and knead the dough until smooth and elastic, approximately 6 minutes. Be careful not too add too much flour while kneading - the dough should be just slightly tacky when finished working.

4. Place the dough in a greased bowl, turning to coat (or spray with cooking spray). Cover and place in a draft-free area to rise, about 45 minutes to 1 hour. 

5. Punch dough down. Divide into 8 even pieces (use a kitchen scale if you want to be exact) and roll into sausage shaped loaves. Place 2 inches apart on a greased baking sheet. Slash each roll down the center (not the way I did in the pictures, the long way), approximately 1/8-1/4" down.

6. Place shaped rolls back into a draft-free area to rise for 20-30 minutes.

7. Bake at 400 degrees F for 13-15 minutes.

For the filling:

1. Combine first six ingredients in a small bowl to make a dressing.

2. Add mushrooms, peppers, and onion strips to a large bowl. Pour dressing over veggies and toss to coat. Spread coated veggies evenly over two greased baking sheets.

Veggies ready to cook.

3. Preheat oven to 450 degrees F. Cook for 15-20 minutes, stirring veggies and rotating pans halfway through. 

And finally:

Slice open a freshly baked roll. Pile in cooked veggies and top with desired amount of provolone cheese. Wrap loosely in aluminum foil, leaving the top exposed, and bake at 450 degrees F until cheese is melted and browning.

Serves 8.

Yum.

Nutrition Facts for Filling

Calories - 41

Fat - 2g

Carbs - 4.7g

Fiber -1.4g

Protein - 2.3g

Nutrition Facts for Rolls

Calories - 276
Fat - 4.1g
Carbs - 52.4g
Fiber - 1.9g
Protein - 6.8g

I had mine cheese-free, so it was very close to being vegan (except for that honey in the rolls). That brought the calorie count to 317 calories. So close to being under 300!

A Week of Wonderful Weather

What lovely weather we've had for the last week! Some of the days it was almost too warm, but we managed to get out a do a number of things outside the apartment and enjoy some family time.

Saturday we all went out to the movies. The kids had gotten theater gift certificates for Christmas and The Big One chose to use his to see "The Croods". It was a decent enough kids movie. The visuals were really nice and inventive, and the story was a neat idea, but overall it was a lot of the same kinds of things happening over and over. Even the kids felt that way. It was family friendly, though, and had some cute moments. I may have cried, a lot, at the cheesy Disney-like ending.

With his Christmas gift certificate was also a coupon to have dinner out, so The Big One picked a great local seafood joint called "Red Lobster". It was a fine choice by me for the cheddar-bay biscuits alone.

We had a couple trips to Fort Fun this week, which is the kids favorite park here so far. One evening we went after dinner so Matt could also come along. Tuesday was (or would have been) my grandmother's birthday, so in her honor I wore sparkly earrings and a necklace she'd given me and we went to walk on the beach. The Little One wore sparkly jewelry as well, "So I can be beautiful like you, Mommy!" I thought about how much my grandmother and the sassy Little One would have gotten along.

Fort Fun and Huntington Beach

Grandy, me, and Poppy, circa 1986

Wednesday and Thursday we had our first full two-days with Matt that didn't include 4-8 hours of driving, since he left for job training mid-January. The weather stayed sunny and went from mid-70s temperatures to mid-80s, so we went to Virginia Beach. Well, we didn't really know we were going there originally, but we wanted to go exploring. We drove down to downtown Hampton, didn't see anything to do, and so decided to keep on going. The kids were not thrilled about our "adventure". Luckily, I had packed snacks.

At the beach we played tourist and walked along the boardwalk and the main street, getting salt-water taffy at Candy Kitchen and frozen custard at Kohr Brothers. We were not the only ones who had the idea to go to the beach. I wondered if people took off work or school just to go outside. It looked like it must have been mostly locals out, and I quickly learned that the beach magazine we were handed was a marker for people from other shops to come out and try and sell stuff to "the tourists". So next time, we go as locals.

On the way home we decided to get dinner before making the trek back to the peninsula, as we've heard retched things about the bridge-tunnel traffic at rush hour. We figured if we were stuck in an hours-long back up, at least we wouldn't be hungry. We went a little out-of-the-way and stopped at a place my cousin recommended called Woodchicks BBQ. I love barbeque, and it was totally worth the stop. Yes, I eat mostly vegetarian, but for barbeque, I make an exception. I got something called a BBQ Sundae, which I ate until I made myself quite sick. I took the picture in the collage below after eating off the top layer of meat. It was really packed in there. Not even The Little One complained about her dinner, which is truly rare. Thanks for the recommendation, Ryan!

We took a kind of backwards way home and had fun trying to hold our breath through all the tunnels and make wishes. I made it through two tunnels with my breath held the whole way, so I get two wishes!

This week's homeschool park trip was to a new (for us) park called Deer Park. They had some equipment I hadn't seen before, like this giant nest-like swing, and some classics I haven't seen in awhile, like a merry-go-round. I managed to spin Brodie until she flung off and bit her tongue, and reminisced about the merry-go-round my cousins, brother, and I used to play with at our family's farm. If someone didn't fling off get hurt, you just weren't trying hard enough.

Matt and I also got a bunch of little paperwork type moving things done. We got new licenses and plates for the cars. We really live here now! It was a bit of an ordeal, though. Thursday I got up early to be at the MVA when it opened and sat and waited until they announced that their computers were down and we were welcome to wait but they had no idea if they would come back up. So I left and tried another MVA. I followed the directions on my GPS, parked, and followed the signs with arrows pointing "MVA this way", but after 20 minutes of walking around I never found it. I decided to give up and just go home. At that point it was late enough that even if I found another MVA location, it would probably be mobbed. I laughed at myself for wishing in the tunnels for "patience" - like in story books, you have to be very careful with your wishes and the way you make them, as they just might come true, and not the way you want.

I got it all done the next day, though. I always have a chuckle at people who have to take pictures for IDs, as they always repeat mine looking to get a better one, and it just doesn't happen. This lady advised, "Try to keep your lips together." Of course that can't really happen. When my picture still wasn't good on the second attempt, she looked down at my old ID and I guess saw that that's just how my picture is and gave up. Sorry, lady.

After the successful MVA trip I played Super Mom and baked chocolate banana oatmeal muffins, made a big salad, cleaned the apartment, washed everyone's sheets and my laundry, baked hot dog and hamburger rolls, and did school with the kids.

Somewhere between the heat and the sketchy amount of exercise I've been getting lately, I ended up with a couple of migraine days this week. One night, to try to calm my head before bed, I decided to paint. I started just painting random warm and cool colors, and then kind of ended up with these bison walking on water. The one is a little stumpy, but that's okay.

I really need to add more cardio to my exercise routine. I think the improved blood flow and cardiovascular fitness really helps my headaches. I had been doing sets of jumping jacks, high-knee marching, and running in place in between my weight sets with my previous routine, but with being in an apartment now I can't do all that banging around. I've been too scared to go to the community fitness room, so today Matt checked it out and found there was no one there. I ran on the treadmill for a bit. I've read good things about tabata training, so I'm making my new goal to be able to sprint for all 8 rounds. Today I got through 5, but had to take a break before completing the last 3.

Tortilla Pizzas

The Little One's dinner choice for this week was, as it almost always is, pizza. When she says pizza she really wants Pizza Hut or a boxed kind from the store, but those don't really fulfill my goals of healthier, cheaper, and homemade. Last week I had made some pretty stellar tortillas, as based on a recipe from The Cooking Actress, so I thought why not try to make them into personal pizzas? In addition, I wanted to make my own sauce.

Here's what I came up with. I thought they were pretty tasty, and I even managed to sneak some spinach into The Big One (The Little One, of course, did not eat hers). They were so tasty, in fact, that I started tearing into mine before remembering to get a picture, hence the ragged edge shown in the pictures here.

For these pizzas, you will be making the tortillas and the sauce, and topping with whatever you'd like.
Start with making the sauce, which is super easy and can be made ahead.

Pizza Sauce

Ingredients:
2 tomatoes, diced
8oz tomato paste
2T extra virgin olive oil
2 1/2 tsp dried basil
1 1/2 tsp dried oregano
1/2 tsp dried thyme
1 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp onion powder
1/2 tsp ground black pepper
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 c baby spinach, finely chopped
2/3 c water

Instructions:
Mix everything together in a bowl or seal-able container. Add more water for a thinner sauce or less for a chunkier sauce, depending on your preference. Let the sauce sit in the refrigerator for an hour to allow the flavors to blend and mellow, then use to top your pizzas. Store leftover sauce in an air-tight container in the fridge.

Makes approx 3 cups of sauce.

Nutrition information per tablespoon
Calories - 10
Fat - 0.6g
Carbs - 1.2g
Protein - 0.3g

Tortillas and Pizzas
Adapted from The Cooking Actress

Ingredients:
2 cup all purpose flour
1 cup whole wheat flour
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
5 tsp butter
1 c water

Instructions:
1. Pulse flours, baking powder, salt, and butter in a food processor fitted with the dough blade, until crumbly. (The dough blade is important. I forgot this time and used the regular blade, and they weren't as puffy and tender this time. The blade is the only part that was different, so stick with the dough blade.)

2. With the food processor on, slowly add the water until the dough forms into a ball. If the dough becomes too tacky, add more flour. (Though I've never had to do that.)

3. Remove the dough and divide it into 12 evenly sized pieces. Roll the pieces into balls and cover them with a clean kitchen towel. Let rest for 10 minutes.

4. Heat a large frying pan or griddle over medium heat. Remove one dough ball from the towel and roll it out on a lightly floured surface. Roll it, then left completely and give a quarter turn, and repeat until you have a flat circle approximately 8" across.

Dough ball ready for rolling.

5. Spray the heated pan with cooking spray and plop the dough disk onto the pan. Quickly top with sauce and whatever toppings you desire (cheese, veggies, etc.). Cook until the edges are lightly puffed and soft but dry, and cheese is melted - approximately 2-3 minutes. Remove to a plate and serve immediately.

Pizza station assembled and ready for quick working.

Makes 12 tortillas.

Nutrition information per tortilla
Calories - 129
Fat - 1.9g
Carbs - 24.2g
Fiber - 0.9g
Protein - 3.2g

Finished pizza, minus a side because I am impatient.

One tortilla with 3T sauce and 1/3 cup low moisture part skim mozzarella cheese is 266 calories.

Mini Honey-Mustard Meatlessloaves with Roasted Sweet Potatoes and Green Beans

Every week we let each person in the family pick out a dinner they want to have that week. We round out the list with one more, and usually with leftovers and all five dinners worth turns out to be enough for the week. This is not always an easy thing. The kids rarely want anything to do with what we want to eat. I try to eat mostly vegetarian and am also trying to eat generally healthy, so some picks make it tough on me. I also try to use up things we already have, so as to save at the store. This week I put a lot of thought into how to tweak things to fit what we had on hand.
 

Here was Matt's pick for this week. I edited it to be vegetarian. The TVP held up well as a beef substitute here. While it's not the most shining example of a healthy meal (yes, I know about TVP being processed and all), it is relatively high in fiber and protein without an exorbitant number of calories. The cheese and honey mustard could easily be left out if you wanted to improve on those aspects, as well. Or throw in a nice salad instead of the sauteed green beans.

 

Mini Honey-Mustard Meatlessloaves with Roasted Sweet Potatoes with Green Beans

Adapted from www.marthastewart.com

Ingredients
2 T olive oil
2 T honey mustard
2 T organic ketchup
1 1/2 C dry TVP reconstituted in 1 1/4  C vegetable broth
1/4 C egg substitute
1/2 C bread crumbs
1/2 C low-fat cheddar cheese
salt and pepper
1/4 tsp dried sage
1/4 tsp onion powder
1# sweet potatoes, scrubbed and cubed
2 C green beans, washed and ends removed
garlic powder, to taste

Directions
1. Preheat oven to 450 degrees, with racks in upper and lower thirds. Spray a rimmed baking sheet with oil. In a small bowl, mix together 2 T mustard and the ketchup.

2. In a medium bowl, combine reconstituted TVP, egg substitute, breadcrumbs, 1/2 C cheese, sage, onion powder, 1/2 teaspoon salt, and 1/2 teaspoon pepper. Form into four roughly 2x4-inch loaves. Place on baking sheet. Brush with mustard mixture. Top with remaining 1/2 C cheese. On another rimmed baking sheet, toss potatoes with 1 T oil. Season with salt and pepper if desired.

The naked loaves are not too pretty.

3. Transfer meatloaves to upper rack of over, and place potatoes on lower rack. Bake for 10 minutes, then rotate sheets and turn potatoes. Bake until loaves are cooked through, an addional 5-10 minutes. Remove loaves from oven. Continue to cook potatoes until tender, about 5 minutes.

Going into the oven.

4. Meanwhile, heat remaining 1 T olive oil in saute pan over medium heat. Add green beans. Sprinkle with garlic powder and pepper. Saute until crisp-tender.

My favorite way to cook green beans.

Serves 4.

Nutrition Facts (from caloriecount.about.com)
Calories - 523
Total fat - 19.2g
Total carbs - 68.2g
Fiber - 13.2g
Protein - 28.7g

Nutrition facts are for 1 loaf, 1/4 of potatoes, and 1/4 of green beans.

Three and a Half Years Post-Op

Just over three and and half years ago I had a 10-hour surgery to remove a massive brain tumor. The tumor was a vestibular schwannoma, an overgrowth of the schwann cells that surround the vestibular nerve, which is one of a pair of cranial nerves that helps control balance. These tumors start in the portion of the nerve near the ear, and grow along it's length toward the brain stem. I documented the experience on a separate blog called Bug In The Brain, but haven't posted an update in a year, so I'm long over-due.

Here is some background for anyone who hasn't already heard the beginning of the story:

The vestibular nerve runs along the facial nerve, which is part of a pair that controls facial movement, and the cochlear (or auditory) nerve, which controls hearing for the ear to which is it attached. Because the cochlear nerve is also referred to as the acoustic nerve, vestibular schwannomas can also be known as acoustic neuromas. The above picture shows the relation of the nerves to each other as well as to a small acoustic neuroma. This picture is courtesy of http://www.anworld.com/ and is copyrighted to the Acoustic Neuroma Association of Canada.

My tumor was discovered in the emergency room, almost as an incidental finding. My main symptom was months of headaches, which I consistently wrote off as due to stress, lack of sleep, or needing new glasses. One day, however, I got a fever and started feeling just bad. I went to the clinic mostly just because I needed a work note for calling out without giving enough notice, and the NP advised me to go to the ER if I wasn't better the next day. It's probably a routine thing they tell everyone, but I happened to be a compliant patient this time, and happened to mention to the ER nurse that my headaches had been doing on for awhile, and they thought maybe they'd just check that out with a CT scan. I left the ER with paperwork listing my diagnoses as 1) UTI, 2) brain tumor.

It's hard to get a good photograph of an MRI, but the tumor is shown with the red arrow.

My tumor was very large and was already displacing my brain stem. The CT results listed the dimensions as 4.5 cm x 2 cm. At surgery I believe they said it was closer to 5.1 cm x 3.1 cm. Anyway, it was big for the type of tumor it was.

So it was crazy times for awhile. I had the surgery. They took out the tumor and a chunk of cerebellum that had been damaged by the tumor (or possibly by surgery, I'm not really clear on that). My left ear became permanently deaf due to damage to the auditory nerve. The left side of my face was paralyzed but the facial nerve was left intact, with some hope of future improvement. Everything was spinning all the time, and of course it hurt. I couldn't get up and walk around on my own and my left side (arm and leg) dragged. I failed my first swallow test and passed the second, but was only allowed to eat a "mechanical soft" diet. Even that took some practice. I was so nauseated and exhausted.

I spent 2 days in the ICU, 4 days on a neurological care unit, and 2 more weeks at my parent's house. I couldn't take care of myself, much less my kids. Over the next six months I had a number of procedures to protect my left eye from drying out (due to facial paralysis and not being able to close my eye). I also completed physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, and a couple sessions of emotional therapy.

Eventually, I went back to work, but I knew I wouldn't be able to hold out as a floor nurse forever. Things were not the same. My head hurt all the time, I tired easily, and I struggled emotionally with returning to a job I didn't love after "facing death". Matt started working towards a career that was supposed to take 18 months of training, with one of the goals being that eventually I wouldn't have to work, or at least not as much. I tried not to struggle while I was actually at work, but my exhaustion would show when I got home.

After a year of a headache that wouldn't go away (Yes, a year. I'm not even being sarcastic.), I went to see a neurologist. She started me on a medication called Nortriptyline to help prevent headaches, and Imitrex to stop a headache that had already started. At first the medication would just make me sleepy, then I would acclimate to it and it would help, and then after a few months the headaches would return. I would go back to the neurologist and she would increase the dosage, and we continued like that for awhile.

Through this period of ups and downs there reached a time where I began to feel really bad. I was nauseated again, my headaches were back full force, I was completely exhausted, and there was a new thing - chest pain and palpitations. I had been exercising regularly for a month or two, but suddenly found myself unable to do the most basic routine due to exhaustion and a racing heart.
During a trip to the neurologist my heart rate was in the 130s. My neuro did a couple quick in-office tests and believed the cause to be a whole different neurologist condition called Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS). POTS is a form of dysautonomia, a collection of conditions caused by the malfunction of the autonomic nervous system. The autonomic nervous system controls vital and automatic functions such as heart rate, blood pressure, digestion, and sweating. Patients with dysautonomia can show a number of symptoms related to these various systems, including dizziness, chest palpitations, weakness, nausea, headache, bowel disturbance - all kinds of things that I had. The neurologist prescribed propanolol to hopefully help lower my heart rate and better control my headaches.

I began to bounce from doctor to doctor, some convinced there was something wrong with me, some convinced I was "fine". My general practitioner was the most sympathetic, seeing that I was clearly struggling, but was unsure how best to proceed. She did write me a note to switch from night to day shift, which of all the things different doctors tried, made the most difference in improving the way I felt. She also started me on fludrocortisone, though it was meant just to help temporarily while the specialists figured things out. I went through series of tests with cardiologists, electrophysiologists, and neurologists, and had all the blood work anyone could think of. The cardiologists couldn't find anything wrong aside from my racing heart, and basically told me in different words to "get over it" and call them "if things get worse".

Finally, I had testing specific to dysautonomia, generally described to me as "autonomic testing", and was told I had "autonomic neuropathy". A number of my test results were abnormal, including my sweat and cardiac responses. I saw the specialist right after the testing, so I assumed my test results were significant. He told me to drink tons of water, increase my sodium, and excerise. I was to start with something like a cardiac rehab exercise program, and work my way up. He told me my problem was "more serious than POTS" and said I would have to be especially careful not to overheat in the summer. I would see him again in 6 months, his next available appointment.


Here is where I left off with my last blog post one year ago. Miserable and confused.

With the psudeo-diagnosis of autonomic neuropathy, I tried to follow instructions but found myself having continuous ups and downs of "okay days and bad days". My neurologist increased the doses of propranolol and nortriptyline. Some days I would be able to drink up to 3 liters of water (I was told to get 4 liters), but other days I would be so nauseated by drinking that I couldn't finish 1.
I borrowed a mat and resistance band from my mom and developed an exercise program for myself of all exercises that could be done laying down or otherwise supine, since changing from laying to sitting or standing made me feel the worse. I tried my best to follow my own program. After a few weeks, however, instead of feeling better, I was feeling worse.

I would be so lightheaded in the morning that I had to sit on the floor of the shower and while brushing my teeth. I had to get a special doctor's note requiring me to sit during morning shift report at work. I never passed out, but I would "grey out" if I tried to ignore my racing heart and the panic-y feeling of "you MUST sit down" that I would get. Actually, I had to sit a lot. Reaching my arms over my head would make me start to feel as if I might pass out as well. My bowel symptoms got so that I would have to excuse myself from shift report to go to the bathroom. I spent a significant number of days dealing with a migraine. My fingers and the bottoms of my feet would tingle and go numb. I was always too hot or too cold, never just right. Matt would let me sleep in any day I didn't have to get up for work (we were misinformed about that 18 month thing he was training for - it would end up taking 3 years before he would be able to work), and I would go to bed early, but still I was exhausted.

I began obsessively tracking my headache level, vital signs, and symptoms in the hopes that it would help my doctors figure out what was wrong. While my neurologist would look closely at my charts and take notes from them, all that would result would be a change in medication levels. She would comment on how well I seemed to be coping, kind of in disbelief of my charted headache levels. I thought maybe I should show up to appointments in my typical house-bound pajamas instead of my going-out dresses.

Finally, on our family trip to the beach last July, I decided this was it. I was chronically sick and not going to get better. I tried my best to participate in everything the family was doing, but walking from the hotel to the beach across the street was exhausting, I couldn't cope with the heat and had to stay under the umbrella, my heart raced and my head pounded. I spent more than a couple afternoons napping rather than going back to the beach. One night at dinner my headache got so bad that I began to panic and couldn't sit still in the restaurant, so excused myself and walked back to the hotel to cry in bed.

During that time at the beach, I began reading about using meditation and mindful awareness to deal with chronic pain and headaches. I ordered a book called How to be Sick - A Buddhist Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and their Caregivers. I found it quite helpful, and became more at peace at my resignation to just "be ill".

Then, in August, I went to my long-awaited appointment with the dysautonomia specialist. I came to my appointment armed with notes of symptoms and vital signs. I still have them. It's whiny and not fun. There's a lot of "nagging headache", "abdominal cramps", "nausea", "fluttery chest", "jittery", "anxious", "woozy", and "stabbing pain".

Here's how August 1st looked:
8am - Out of bed. BP while standing after coming downstairs = 88/66. Pulse 147.
Had to squat a few times while making breakfast.
12noon - Sleepy, whoozy, palpitations. BP 95/76, pulse = 124.
1230 - nausea while trying to drink water
1500 - jittery, anxious. BP 96/70, pulse = 122.
1630 - headache 6/10, moving around head
1700 - still have headache, now 8/10. BP 103/77, pulse = 124.
1930 - still have headache, 7/10. Motrin 800mg.
2200 - headache 4/10, going to bed.

He didn't care much about any of this. I was so surprised that the same guy who had told me whatever was wrong with me was "more serious than POTS", was now writing off everything I told him. He basically told me that the reason I wasn't getting better was that I wasn't doing what he told me. If I would just chug water and exercise I would be fine. I told him, "I used to climb the stairs 9 flights before working a night shift, then I could only do 3 flights before a night shift, then I could only do 3 flights and day shift, now I can only do day shift and no stairs.. my problem is I don't have enough energy to get through the day. How is exercise supposed to help?" At least, I told him that in my mind. In reality I had explained my decreased activity tolerance to the resident already, and by the time the attending expert guy came in, I was so tired that I just cried. I sat there and cried like an idiot and nodded my head while he told me to go to the gym at 5am before my 12 hour work shift.

At the front desk when they asked if I wanted to go ahead and schedule my next appointment, I told them I'd have to call them back about it. I went home, threw away the lab work slips they gave me, and through tears of rage I told Matt I wasn't doing the doctor and medication thing anymore. He was fully supportive of this, as he'd long suspected the medications to be contributing to, if not causing, my issues.

It wasn't a good idea, but I stopped taking everything cold turkey. Luckily I didn't really have any side-effects from this, aside from some major headaches in the first couple weeks. Cold turkey is not really a recommended way to end these kinds of medications. I had tried it before and only made it two days. This time I was armed with my rage towards towards the medical community and a tiny gold Buddha I set on my night-stand.
After a week, I started to feel less dizzy and fatigued. After a month, I even began to feel somewhat normal. Headaches continued to be a problem, but without all the other issues going on, they were more tolerable. For my birthday in September, Matt and I went on a 6 mile hike. It was a bit of a challenge, even for Matt, because of some of the steep elevation changes, but we did it! I did it!

In January, after a long wait, Matt left for eight weeks of job training out of state. I cut my work hours back to very part time. While he was away I decided to try working out again. I was able to do it, even upright moves like squats and lunges. I wasn't exhausted - in fact, like I read from regular people, I had more energy! Well, except I wasn't sleeping with Matt being away, so that made me tired, but I could still do the exercise.

After a month or so of exercising, I decided one night to check my pulse rate while laying in bed. It was 59! Excited, I stood up at the side of the bed and checked again a minute later - still 59!
I had done it. I had beat POTS.

Now, I'm three and a half years post-op. I don't know how many of the ups and downs of the last three years have been from medication vs surgery recovery vs other neurological issues. But either way, I'm finished with it. I'm not taking anymore medication. I'm trying to eat more healthy and exercise regularly. I'm sleeping regular hours. I am taking a break from working at all right now to enjoy being a full-time stay at home mom. At this point, I don't think I feel quite "normal", as in, how I would feel had this whole thing never happened, but I feel my own version of normal.

Headaches are less of a problem now, but are still present. I no longer have a constant headache, but do have some level of headache for some part of most days. I wake up with one everyday, but by breakfast it's typically improved. Usually my headaches are just in the background and at this point I don't think about them much, but once a week or so one will get bad enough that it bothers me, and maybe once every other week I'll get more of a migraine. I'll take an 800mg motrin or some tylenol if it's bad enough. If I'm really hurting and miserable, like to the point where I'm thinking about going to the ER, I'll take one of the percocet I have left over. Luckily I haven't had to do that much or recently.
My biggest headache trigger, aside from laying down, seems to be weather changes, but also sinus pressure, strong emotions (like crying or getting really angry), and I think sugar. I'm still not sure about the sugar one.

My left eye is stable. The first punctal plug I had in the lower tear duct fell out and was replaced, and then a couple months ago the replacement fell out. I haven't been back to Dr L recently, as I've been a bad patient, but I think I have enough awareness of how things are with that eye to know that it's okay. I hope so at least. Of course the gold weight and the tarrsorhaphy are still there. Dr L said I wouldn't need the gold weight changed out ever, unless it started to poke through the skin. I kind of wish I had a more low-profile platinum chain, but I didn't have time to research those things at the time that I needed it. I just hate how saggy the weight has already made my eyelid. I'll probably need a lift when I'm older or something. Who wants to contribute to my plastic surgery fund?
I still use Lacrilube (or Target brand, which is my favorite) ointment at night. This is needed to keep my eye from drying out at night, but it makes my eyelid skin kind of extra-well moisturized and sometimes my eye looks "gooey". I mainly notice this as a problem in the rare case that I'm trying to put on makeup. The eyeshadow won't stick to the left eye as much as the right.
In the morning I use Refresh Plus preservative free eye drops. They are slightly less viscous than the Celluvisc I used before, but they've been thick enough, and I was happy to move down a step. I usually only use the drops once in the morning. Occasionally I'll need one once in the afternoon but not usually.

Gold weight and tarrsorhaphy

My face is still about halfway paralyzed on the left. I have some movement below the cheekbone, but not much above. Just now I think I maybe moved my eyebrow a teeeeeeny bit. I have some hope that things will slowly improve but I know it will never be normal. I have synkinesis, which means that parts of my face that do move, don't always move in the way I think I am telling them to. For example, when I try to smile some other muscle pulls and I get a weird dimple in my chin. I would love to get botox again, but it's not really worth going in every three months just to avoid some weird face movements.
My face is still probably my #1 most upsetting thing. At this point a large number of the people I know have never met my "real face". I know it shouldn't and really doesn't matter, but it bothers me a lot.

My facial issues still effect the way I eat and drink to a certain extent, but my compensations are more automatic now. Usually I don't think about it. I don't always use a straw anymore to drink, but I do kind of position cups more on the right side of my mouth. Things like soda cans and narrow bottles are more difficult and I can only take individual sips out of these instead of a regular series of gulps. Whatever I'm drinking will sometimes dribble down my face but the kids seem to notice that more than I do. I try to always have a napkin because I will always make a mess on my face while eating. I guess it's since my lips won't completely move out of the way. I also use the napkin or my hand to kind of cover my mouth while I'm chewing, mostly when out in public, because I know my mouth doesn't always close all the way while I chew and no one wants to see that. In general I still prefer not to eat in front of other (non-family) people, but I don't let it affect my plans or anything.

Here's the "poses" with glasses on and glasses off. Face-face, smile, eyes closed (which results in a frowny face, apparently), and pucker face. I wish masks were somehow in fashion.

I still sleep primarily on my right side. Most nights I wake up at some point with a sore right hip. I try to position all waistbands so they won't be on my right hipbone and make those uncomfortable red lines. If I sleep on my left side, it will only be for a couple hours and I'll usually wake up with more pain I guess where the titanium mesh is.

Of course being deaf on the left hasn't changed. I'm not shy about it (or about any of this, clearly..) and tell most people about it almost right away. I never want someone to think I'm ignoring them, which does happen when people are standing on my left side talking to me and I'm staring off into space, not hearing them. I have the hardest time with background noises. If there is any level of background noise, it makes it really hard for me to hear, or at least make the words out, in conversations. When I'm in a group I probably stare too much at people's faces when they talk, as looking at their lips does help me puzzle things out usually. I want to learn sign language, but have been too lazy to actually try to learn. I just want to know it somehow.

My left ear still has a constant white noise in it. The tinnitus doesn't bother as me as much, luckily. Most days I don't think about it. As soon as I do start to think about it, it gets louder. Sometimes the right ear will ring, but only for about 5-30 seconds, and it's more of a typical ringing tone. That worries me sometimes but it doesn't happen that often and always goes away.

I still get "fuzzy brained" at times. Sometimes I think it's from not hearing what's going. Sometimes things just get kind of loopy and confusing. This usually happens during times of stress, headache, or lack of sleep. For example, in the week after we moved I found it kind of hard to get around Target. Target, of all places! It seemed like the aisles were getting narrower and I couldn't sense the dimensions of my cart and the edges of everything were hazy. It's hard to describe exactly. I hate to use this analogy, because I really don't drink that often at all, but it's the best I can think of - it's kind of like having had a little too much alcohol, but trying to pull off like everything's just fine when really things just aren't quite right. I don't like when I get fuzzy brained because I'm afraid I'm going to bump into someone or loose a child or something.

My memory still sucks. I write a lot of lists.

My balance isn't great. I modify my exercises to avoid anything that involves standing on one foot, because I simply can't balance like that while performing any kind of movement. I can hardly balance like that without moving. Most people with vestibular issues have trouble in the dark because vision is used so much to process up from down, left from right, etc. Despite all that wonderful work I did in PT three years ago, I am no exception. In the dark I feel like a drunk (here's that analogy again) - I have a vague idea of where the floor and walls and furniture should be, but they just keep swirling around and making me wobble. We keep a nightlight in the bathroom and I walk with my hands out in front of me. I have plenty of random bruises on my legs, but I have never fallen.

Since I'm not being followed by any doctors currently, I didn't have my yearly MRI last October. I was, however, in a minor car accident where I ended up getting a head and neck CT, which was clear. I know they weren't really looking for tumors in that case, but I'm fine with it anyway. Besides, if something is wrong I don't really want to know about it right now. Too many things are going well that I'm probably about due for some sort of issue, and I just don't want to deal with it.
Let's claim it now - it's going to be a good year!